Mefco's Random Joke Server - Religious Jokes

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Jewish Haikus

After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?

Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
of her friend's disease.

Looking for pink buds
to prune, the old moyel
wanders among his flowers.

Harsh Scrabble discord--
someone has placed "putzhead" on
a triple word score.

Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.

The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.

Tea ceremony--
fragrant steam perfumes the air.
Try the cheese danish.

Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims with
great difficulty.

Lovely butterfly--
not long ago your name was
Caterpillarstein.

A cat steals into
the night just like my former
partner, that gonif.

Hey! Get back indoors.
Whatever you were doing
Could put an eye out.

In the ice sculpture
reflected bar mitzvah guests
nosh on chopped liver.

Hidden connection --
starvation in Africa,
food left on my plate.

My nature journal --
today, I saw some trees and birds.
I should know the names?

Like a bonsai tree,
your terrible posture at
my dinner table.

Beyond Valium
the peace of knowing one's child
is an internist.

Jews on safari --
map, compass, elephant gun,
hard sucking candies.

Coroner's report --
"The deceased, wearing no hat,
caught his death of cold." Ê

The sparrow brings home
too many worms for her young.
"Force yourself," she chirps.

Jewish triathlon:
gin rummy, then contract bridge,
followed by a nap.

"Can't you just leave it?"
the new Jewish mother asks --
umbilical cord.

The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.

Our youngest daughter,
our most precious jewel.
Hence the name, Tiffany.

Ma, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your pocketbook.

Seven-foot Jews in
the NBA, slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.

Concert of car horns
as we debate the question
of when to change lanes.

Sorry I'm not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news

Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?

Would-be convert lost--
thawed Lender's Bagels made a
bad first impression.

Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast - feh

Left the door open.
for the Prophet Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Tochis.
Oy! To be fluent!

Quietly murmured
at Saturday services,
Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.

Lonely mantra of
the Buddhist monk--"They never
write, they never call."

Look, Beryl! I've found
the most splendid tchochke for
our Chanukah bush.

The long pilgrimage
to the venerable shrine -
Leonard's of Great Neck.

Cherry blossoms bloom.
Sure, it's beautiful, but is
it good for the Jews?

A lovely nose ring --
excuse me, while I put my
head in the oven.

Hard to tell under
the lights--white Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness?

Wet moss on the old
stones. Lying in the
grass, I ponder who to sue.

My handsome son
wonderful new bride to be
She is a slut

A wonderful lunch
Mother delays my swimming
I could get cramps

Over 308,396,803 Jokes served.

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