A man goes into hospital for some tests. They knock him out, and when he comes round there's a doctor peering over him; you know, pulling the eyelid up, wielding the reflex hammer.

Doctor says; "Ahh. I'm glad you've come round. I'm afraid I have some mixed news"

Man Says; "Don't hold back Doc, tell me the bad news"

Doctor says; "worse than I thought; we had to amputate your left leg"

(You've heard it, right ?)

Man says; "What's the good news then ?"

Doctor replies; "The man in the next bed wants to buy your slippers"

Several days later the same man is rushed into the operating theatre for further surgery. Finally, hours later, he begins to wake. He sees the doctor peering over him and thinks of deja-vu.

Doctor says; "Ahh. I'm glad you've come round. I'm afraid I have some mixed news again"

Man Says; "What could be worse than having one leg amputated, tell me the bad news"

Doctor says; "worse than I thought; I'm afraid that we had to amputate your right leg as well"

The man lapses into fits of uncontrollable tears. The doctor says to him; "But I haven't told you the good news yet. Pull yourself together, man".

The man regains some composure and says; "What is it ?"

Doctor says; "Do you see the nurse over in the corner ?"

"Where ?"; the man asks.

Doctor says; "That nurse over there with long blond hair, large tits, long legs; absolute nymphomaniac ?"

Man says "Do I. She's incredible", getting excited

Doctor says "Well, I screwed her last night"

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